Hello to everyone out there still following The World Photo Tour! Hello to all the others as well! This is the new update on my walk around the world. Not much time to write as I am ready to leave Prague for Vienna now (the Berlin – Vienna leg will be updated once in Austria), so here goes – the adventures from Copenhagen to Berlin, via Rostock, as they happened and as I remember them. Plus some extra mindless thoughts.
All my thanks for the support, care and attention I received in Copenhagen from Mihaela, Anca, Adrian (who gave me some nice lens which I unhappily managed to brake later in Rostock), Marius, Mira, Marius, Mihaela, Claudiu, Andra, Cosmin, Radu, Andreea. With your help I smile and laughed, I drove, I went on the slack-line, I saw Copenhagen, I could work, sleep and have fun, I could talk, express, share feelings and music and all the rest. With your help, I could continue.
Leaving Copenhagen at the wrong time? Point is, it rained. And rained. And rained. And when it didn’t just rain, it heavily rained. So that was my road down South to Gedser, where I hopped on the ferry to Rostock.
Ever felt like being everywhere? But in the mean time, I sometimes haven’t felt like I am everywhere inside me. Funny how people refer to their subconscious as to something of a foreign nature, as ‘not them’. Dreams – good or bad – they are quickly disregarded as fiction and ‘not actually happened to me’. Thing is, dreams happen from us. It’s still us doing all the dreaming, our subconscious is more of us than anything else. Let’s say you dream killing someone. And then wake up, glad to know that it wasn’t you. The same goes for a good dream, seldom do we keep that nice feeling of a really good dream, actively letting it go because ‘it’s just a dream’. Why can’t we accept ourselves everywhere and anywhere we are?
In Rostock I met with Fritzi. Again. Quick city tour, Gay Pride Parade on Christopher Street Day, meet Karina and her boyfriend, eat ice-cream when cold, sunset and night out on the beach, meet Philipp and his family, and then just go. Again.
I’ve been told I look older than a month ago. I saw it as well: just because of that suggestion I then actually noticed my hair growing more and more white. Thing is, I actually feel even older than that on the inside, as I sometimes feel I live years in seconds and countless lifetimes in hours. It is all very intense, and it gets confusing at points – i.e. to the point where the time, present, future or past is just a continuous flow of ‘now’. On my photography – I could not ever regard it in terms of ‘beautiful’ or ‘ugly’ or anything like that. My photos are the way I like to remember my moments. Together with my thinking as my only grasp on the reality of my existence, my photos provide me with the necessary milestones from a ‘past’ which I make real for me through my photos. If I haven’t had that, I wouldn’t have had any proof that it was actually real and it actually happened. My photos are my windows to my different pasts. I look at them to know it was real. The key on my wrist is my window to the present. When I get too lost in my thoughts or in the thoughts of others, I need to feel it to know that what I actually came to think about is real. More and more, I cannot tell past from present, present from future, while seeing all the possibilities of different possible pasts or presents. All these times with all their options are in me, in this constant ‘now’ me that is growing or self destructing beyond any will of control.
Going to Berlin with Paul Kalkbrenner in the headphones. In Laage camp at Alwin Hochemer – the taxi driver that saw you walking South in the past couple of days, just because he saw you once more taking photos of the sunset right across his house. Meet his family, talk about East Germany, the lack of industry, approach that soft spot in German history, go through it curious, go through it well. Sleep good. See all the other little towns and villages. Neustrelitz, Gransee, keep those amazing sunsets coming, see the biggest former women concentration camp, the Russians used it the same way afterwards, there are no rules when in charge. Feel alonte, feel free, feel miserable. One day before reaching Oranienburg, be left with no money, nor food. And almost no boots. But go on. Reach Oranienburg. Enjoy amazing unexpected sudden support, just when you need it more. Yes, when you’re hungry. Someone up there still likes me. Up as in Aarhus, for Simona whom I met there just so very happened to be curious if I have anything left. 5 euros I asked, she sent six-fold. Simona saved the day and then the stars and planets aligned. Blesses! At the cash receiving point, just so very happen to meet Anne. Go together collecting blueberries, go swimming, almost die in that lake, but make it safe back to the shore. Go bicycling in the S-Bahn. Welcome in Berlin! Things to do while here – Meet Igor and Franz, wander around at 4AM. Play some music at 5. Say goodbye to the people you just met but had an awesome time with. Don’t go to sleep. Walk around some more. Smile and say hello to the world. Ah, and eat blueberry cheesecake in the morning, you did collect some blueberries yesterday, didn’t you?!
Meet Remus, meet Anca and their lovely daughter Ana. Help around the house, have fun, go for walks, work, paint, play, get some unexpected funding from the Polish neighbour. Cheers! Go downtown Berlin. Alexanderplatz to Brandenburg Gate. Be impressed by the forces that collided here once. Cry a bit, for you, your family and your country was on the wrong side of the wall. Cry for all the drama that nonsense has caused, for all the torn families and for all the destroyed hopes. Never again? We shall see. Hope. Back at the house where you are waiting for your parents and for Fritzi, after you went to see the farm nearby. Parents here, talk, talk, talk, get emotional at points, haven’t seen them for more than a year now. Fritzi here as well, talk, talk, talk, discovering more of each other. Drink! Have fun. Cheers! Go to Potsdam, then reach for the surprise – Woodstock-like festival in Poland, a bit north of Frankfurt-am-Oder. Get touched by a feeling of ending. Fritzi gone, parents to go back soon as well. Afraid of being lonely? Or is it something else? Nevertheless, it was time well spent.
I’ll leave you and me on this note: if you think you play no role in your life or in anyone else’s for that matter, think better, because it’s just a matter of what and how you choose to think about yourself in relation to others. Try for instance smiling while sinking in the following: to be the centre of the world. That’s a nice thought when in doubt of my powers, of what I am capable to create and feel. But if I’ll never be happy on my own, if I’ll never find my inner peace – and I probably won’t – then I’ll just go ahead and try being the reason for others happiness. I would like to play that role. As little and as big as it may get. And then dare. Have some confidence. If one’s power is pure, the reach should be global, for the goal should be noble, like the song goes. Never will I struggle, but I’ll try to have my share of help towards a possible good happening. If it won”t happen, it just wasn’t bound to. But never will I hesitate to make all the possible connections . Let your world happen either for you or for someone you may perceive as someone else. We were one once. We could still be.
While waiting for the ferry back in Gedser, I saw some uniform people carrying on-wheels boxes on which ‘Not to be opened by staff’ was written. Now ask yourself this: could you have a job in which practically you contribute towards something – good or bad – unknown to you – a goal of which you know nothing about? It’s a lot like life actually. I may never know or find my place in this world, but if anything, I’d like my ‘life’ job to be spreading love. Knowing or not knowing any profound goal or meaning. It’s just love!
Up until now, it’s fascinating how happenings occur in my life to the extent that I sometimes get afraid of the possibility in which, to tell all my stories to someone else, one would walk away in disbelief , simply by refusing such things are possible. But at any given moment, it’s weird to think the possibility of ‘bad’. It’s even scarier if I would think about ‘good’ as it being those bad things not happening, as a mask for living under fear. I choose to think good things happen. Period.
A tune to go with it. All the best!