My previous day began at 8 in the morning. The sun was hardly rising, still finding its strength to get rid of the thin white sheet of crispy frost. A quick shower, a quick cigarette, a quick morning playlist to get me ready for the day and off to work, at the new job. Yup, a new extra job, even if the day I’ll be going walking around the world is getting closer and closer. I need any penny I can get.
The interview was four days ago and it obviously went well. The job – oh, the lovely catering industry! Given what I was about to tell them today, thinking that I have to secure the position no matter what, I was a bit afraid of getting there late so I took a shortcut – bad choice, as this gave me the opportunity to walk around some places in town that stirred some feelings from the past. Of course, I had to stop and take a shot or two every now and then. I know I’ll miss a lot of this place. But I’ll talk about what I’ll miss and what I won’t in another place.
So I finally get to the new workplace, the HIC, about 5 minutes early, as I was supposed to be there at 10. And then I wait, and I wait, and I wait. Some new hired people were late and I almost slipped on the hypocrisy of How can one be late on the first day at a new job? :) But then again, why should I care? So shut up, Mihai, you know you’re always late anyway, you just got lucky today!
Company induction. Health and safety. Don’t get burnt, don’t slip, don’t take chances bla bla. My mind is slipping away, fading on a road, alone. The sun burns, the back pack is heavy, my strength is slipping away, the water is gone and finding some is at pure chance. Nothing in front of me for miles, just endless dunes and bright light. I see my mom on the horizon and I start crying. The fear is growing. I’m shaking and I want back home. And that’s how you prepare the milk for a cappuccino! Ha!? What!? Oh, I know this already, I had kind of the same job about a year ago, hated it, but payed the bills and I was happy back then. Or was I? And it just went like that, all day long. I am always somewhere else these days, no matter where I actually am.
At the end of the mini shift of company induction, I came out of the closet. I only want this job for a month, I hope that’s OK with you. The manager gave me the look. Oh, come on, of course you’re OK with it, you only change the personnel in this kind of business more often than you change the linen! I didn’t actually had to say that. But he was really OK with it. No questions asked besides When would you like to have your last shift? Ah, I love it when people get it. A one month stand! The sun simply shines brighter now.
Back home, in the afternoon, I cuddled in bed. Some bossa nova, barely audible in the background. My eyes were closing as I hadn’t enjoyed a proper sleep in the last couple of weeks. Basically all I slept in what seems now like ages is 6AM to 11AM periods. And not every day. As my eyes closed, I didn’t fell asleep. It was like the bed was raising me on my feet and pushing me on the road, back on that remote road, where all hope is lost, where all the desperation and all the fears come true. Is it just me or everybody thinks of their mom when the pure pitch-black fear of death finds its way inside? I burst.
Some BBC documentary about the Great Barrier Reef followed. Come on, you’re wasting time, you should do more to promote what you’re doing, what you’re about to do! But I couldn’t find anything to write about yet. Nor the energy for what might have been there anyway. Some small talk with my parents – yes, I’m doing fine, everything is going as planned!
Got that out of the way and then my friend Lucia called. Let’s got out! La Tosca. One beer. Wetherspoon. One beer. Revolution. A map of Cuba stares at me from the wall. There, I say, you know you’d like to see this place as well before you die, but your route of walking around the world does not include the island. My head is spinning, but I’m not drunk. Somebody at the table asks if Cuba is in Europe. Automatic instinct: time to go, don’t say anything, just roll yourself a cigarette and leave! But do not judge. Back home. Bossa nova in the background. 32 days left. Full moon. The fear is far away now.