One week to go feelings

One week to go feelings

I feel time is flying at a fast paced rate. I don’t know where the past two months have gone. I am tired. I am stressed. I am anxious. I am happy. I laugh a lot and I cry twice a day. Sometimes my tears are filled with joy, sometimes they are empty. Sometimes I still get frightened and think to myself – Walking around the world! I must be crazy! What was I thinking?

This guy asked me the other day – Why would one find glory in repeating what other people have already done?. And one thing is for sure – I am not seeking glory. I am seeking myself. And the world. And until this day, 9 people have done it, walking around the world in circumnavigations that took anything from 5 to 16 years. A bit more mean reply came then to my mind – Why would one find sense in repeating on a daily routine what countless million others are doing? And then I reminded myself: this journey, this adventure, is my last resort and I only do this because there was nothing left to do or lose, but everything to gain, starting with me. I got to the point where I was that free that I could ask myself in the mirror: What’s the last thing you want to do before you die? Walk around the world. OK. Then do it. Now.

I sometimes find myself checking an imaginary list of things in my mind – have I done this, have I done that… Still a bit more to go. Good news is that I managed to get the weight of the backpack down to 24 kilograms.

Last night, when I came back from work, I cried reading the e-mail a 18 year old sent me. He put all his kind words into it, writing about how he respects me and using my name and the word hero in the same sentence. I can do it as well now, but like this: I am not a hero. I’m just humbly taking joy in thinking that I know what I want to do with my youth. He wrote he wants to drop everything – school and parents included – and follow me. I tried to explain him the best way I could that he is as free as possible to become whatever he wishes in this world. He still has time to build himself as anything he wishes to be. While me… even on the road ahead of me, I’m just afraid of becoming something I am not.

And still, I can hardly wait to get on the road.

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